My Purpose
by Danny vs A Month
Summary: Luffy hears something he shouldn't have and spirals into depression.


I do not own One Piece or any of the characters.

* * *

My Purpose

Luffy sighed, walking down the street in near silence. It had started as a good day. The crew had gone off the ship to enjoy some rest and Luffy had stayed as ship watch for most of the morning as agreed so that everyone could buy the supplies they needed early, then he had been replaced by Robin. He had gone out into town and gotten something to eat, even managing to save roughly half the money, a rare occurence. Now, however, he was having trouble deciding what to do. Finally he reached a bar and spotted an unmistakable head of orange hair inside.

He hurried to the door, walking inside and smiling as he heard her laugh. A good mood meant that she wouldn't hit him for doing something stupid, probably. He stopped a few meters away as Nami's conversation with the men at her table reached him.

"What Luffy?" Nami snorted. "My mentally retarded child-captain? Please. He's strong sure, but he 's not all there. I mean _really_ not all there."

"Sounds like he's trouble," one of the men snickered.

"You'very got no idea," Nami laughed. "I lost count of how many times he's nearly gotten us killed. It's funny though, as strong as he is, you wouldn't be able to tell most times. For example, whenever he makes me mad I beat the shit out of him and feel better. I really never understood why he let's me. He could easily avoid or block my attacks. Hell, I'v seen him take worse with less pain than when I hit him. Not that it matters. Whether I hit him or not, he still makes a great shield, loyal to the end. I tell you, once I have my fortune, I might feel a little bad for using him all this time."

"You're awfully cold," one of the men stated.

"And why not?" Nami snorted. "I want money and that fucking idiot can keep my ass alive on the grand line. Aside from that, though, he's really useless. After all, I'm the greatest navigator in hystory, we have the second greatest swordsman alive, so we really don't even need the retard, we have the world's best cook, a musician, and a great medic. We also have a few extras but they all have their own uses. So I really don't know why we bother with our lousy excuse for a captain."

"Me neither," one of the men laughed before finally noticing Luffy. "The hell do you want brat? And why are you crying? You lose your mommy?"

Nami turned to look and froze, eyes wide and her entire body going numb. "L...Luffy..."

The men at the table stared at her then back at Luffy. They slowly rose, starting to back away, remembering her claims about his strength.

"Luffy... how long...what did you...hear?" Nami managed, guilt welling up in her, along with worry about his reaction, that she felt nauseous.

Luffy didn't answer. He didn't move, and didn't make a sound. After a moment, he began to tremble slightly as his body began to turn red and steam.

"L-Luffy..." Nami began, instantly recognizing Second Gear.

Before she could say more, Luffy was gone, seeming to have teleported. Everyone in the bar stared in shock for a moment before Nami sprinted out of it, tears flooding down her own face, blurring her vision. _What have I done? I didn't mean...if I'd have known he was gong to...damn it! I have to find him!_

Just as this thought crossed her mind, her foot collided with a barrel and she crashed to the ground, spraining her ankle, she cursed and got up, continuing to run. As she did, her eyes steeped every crowd she passed for him. Suddunly, she spotted a straw hat. But it wasn't his. Any hope she had gained seeing it faded. The cloth around it was the wrong color and it was too ratty and faded.

Sh turned, continuing to run. After a half hour, the sun began to set, and she skidded to a stop. What if he had gone back to the ship? What if he planned to leave here? She turned, sprinting to the dock. There it was, exactly as they had left it. She hurried to it, climbing the rope ladder as fast as she could and found the others waiting, all but Luffy.

"There you are," Zoro groaned. "We were about to come looking for you."

"Wait, where's Luffy?" Robin asked. "Why are you crying?"

Nami stared at them, unable to speak. Her eyes drifted to the front of the ship where Luffy always could be found, but he was absent. Nami sank to her knees, wrapping her arms around herself and breaking down into painful, uncontrollable sobs, leaving everyone present bewildered and confused.

"Nami what happened?" Chopper asked.

"I-It was a m-mistake," Nami choked out. "I n-never meant..."

The rest was lost in her sobs, leaving the crew even more confused.

* * *

Luffy collapsed, face flat against the ground, hands on the back of his head, as if doing so would keep him from crying. He didn't know why he ran. He didn't know what made him think to use Second Gear so that he couldn't be followed. He just did. Just like now, he was on his knees, face pressed into the ground at the top of a cliff, sobbing harder than he had over anything short of losing Ace.

"Why..." Luffy choked out. "Why does it...why does it hurt? She was...she was lying...so why..."

He heard shouting. Zoro. Sanji. They were searching for him. He managed to crank one eye open and saw that it was already dark. How long had he been crying? It had felt like only moments.

* * *

Nami walked through the trees, still sobbing but was keeping it more controlled now. She had to. She was almost at the top of the cliff. Theyou had been searching the island for several hours now. The top of the cliff was the only place left to check.

Just as she stepped out onto the cliff, she stopped. Luffy was sobbing, hard. He had his head pressed to the ground and he was sobbing. Nami stepped forward, sobs quickly climbing out of her control again as guilt grew within her again.

"L...Luffy..." Nami called out, raising a hand but letting it fall as he looked back at her, allowing her to see the pain filling his features. Then, it was replaced but shock. Then guilt. Then, his skin turned red ain, and he was gone. "Luffy wait! Don't go!"

Nami sank to her knees, hugging herself and breaking down into sobs again. Robin stumbled upon her after a while, finding her on her side, no longer crying but her eyes red and swollen from it. Robin knelt beside her and rested a hand on her shoulder.

"Let's head back to the ship," Robin suggested. "I'm sure one of the others has found him by now."

Nami stood slowly, barely seeming conscious. They headed back to the sbip, climbing the rope ladder and both turned to go below deck. Just as they did, the clouds that had filled the sky parted, allowing the moon to cast the shadow of the masthead on the deck. Except, that wasn't the only shadow.

Nami turned, looking up as tears welled up in her eyes again. "Luffy..."

He didn't move, didn't speak. He made no sign of acknowledgement that she was there. Tears began to run down Nami's face again and her legs threatened to drop her.

"Luffy I'm sorry," Nami pleaded, crying harder by the second. She didn't understand why she was in so much pain. She had done worse than that and hadn't felt nearly as bad for it. "I never m-meant any of it. P-please. Forgive me."

Again he didn't acknowledge her. And that hurt almost more than if he had flat out refused. At least then he would be willing to talk to her. At least then he wouldn't be acting like she wasn't there.

Nami sank to her knees and Robin sighed, kneeling and helping her friend up, leading her belbow deck as the others arrived. Robin motioned for them to follow so they all silently went below deck. Nami sat curled into a ball in the corner, crying and Robin sat beside her. The others took seats around the table and remained silent.

"Sanji," Robin finally spoke up. "Could you make something to eat?"

She used her head to indicate Nami and Sanji nodded, going to the kitchen without so much as a word. He began to cook, starting with a dish for Nami consisting of all her favorites. He carried it out and knelt in front of her.

"Here you go Nami," Sanji said, not even trying to act suave or fawning over her.

"I'm not hungry," Nami said, finally having stopped crying again.

"You should eat," Robin stated.

Sanji set the food down and returned to the kitchen, making dinner for everyone. Once it was ready, he went up on deck to see if he could get Luffy to stop sulking.

"Hey Luffy, dinner's ready," Sanji reported.

"Go away," Luffy muttered, barely loud enough for Sanji to hear him. "I don't wanna eat."

"Look Luffy," Sanji sighed. "I don't know specifically what was said, but Nami is downstairs curled into a ball, crying her eyes out out of guilt. Whatever she did or said, she's sorry. She didn't mean it. She won't even eat because she feels so bad. I probably won't ever know what happened and I'm okay with that. But you need to forgive Nami."

Luffy didn't respond and Sanji sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked up at the captain again before sighing again.

"Fine," Sanji exhaled. "If you get hungry, your food is waiting."

He returned below deck to see everyone had eaten. Even Nami had had a bit of her food. Sanji ate his own meal and then looked to Luffy's empty chair. He heaved a sigh and decided to try one last time. He went upstairs and found that Luffy was still where he had been.

"Luffy?" He called up to his captain. "Come eat your food. It's getting cold."

"What purpose do I serve?" Luffy asked, making Sanji blink in surprise.

"What?" Sanji asked, unsure he had heard him right.

"What purpose do I serve," Luffy asked again. "You cook the best food in the sea, Nami navigates, Zoro is strong enough to defeat almost anyone we meet, Chopper patches us up after a fight, Brook's a musician and skilled sword fighter, Usopp is our storyteller and sniper, Robin is an archeologist and knows the history of almost every island we go to. So where does that leave me?"

"Well...you're our captain," Sanji stated, as though it should be obvious.

"Blackbeard is a captain too," Luffy stated.

Sanji was taken aback. He had in no way meant to equate Luffy with Blackbeard. They were as different as night and day.

"From what I've seen, all being captain means is that you use strength and fear to get what you want no matter who you have to hurt or kill to get it," Luffy said miserably. "Even my dream of being Pirate King is flawed in that way. So if that's true, then what purpose do I serve?"

Sanji was silent. He had never expected to hear Luffy talk about being a pirate captain so poorly. And he had certainly never expected to hear Luffy speak ill of his own dream. He was at a loss for words.

"That's what I though," Luffy sighed. "Just go away Sanji. I'm not hungry."

Sanji opened his mouth to speak but could think of nothing to say. Finally he turned, going back into the ship to the others.

"Well?" Zoro asked.

They all turned to him and all did double takes of his shell-shocked face.

"He's...not coming down," Sanji stated.

Nami stared at him then stood, walking up on deck again and stopping below Luffy.

"Luffy?" Nami called up to him. "Please come down."

He was silent. Nami could feel the tears coming again.

"Luffy...I was just...I was trying to get to their ship so I could get us some of their treasure," Nami stated, tears leaking out of her eyes again. "I never meant any of what I said. I was just trying to gain their trust. Everything I said was a lie."

"No," Luffy said. "It wasn't. I do put us in danger all the time. I do make you mad and you do feel better when you hit me. That was all true."

She could hear the tears in his voice now. Both of them were crying, which just made her chest constrict even worse.

"And you were right," Luffy stated. "I've got no purpose. I contribute nothing besides pointless danger. I'm a hindrance and a danger to you all."

"That's not true!" Nami snapped. "You're not useless! You're not a danger to us."

Luffy didn't respond. Nami opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Finally she turned to leave.

"Just promise me, you won't run off again," Nami requested, looking back at him and receiving no reply.

Nami sighed, turning and walking to her room. The others had all gone to bed as well so Nami lay down, drifting off to sleep quickly.

* * *

Nami awoke with a start, memories of the day flooding into her head, bringing tears to her eyes before she realized two things. First, she had awoken because of a splash. Second, was the straw hat that had toppled off of her head when she sat up. She stood, picking the hat up and staring at it. Then, two and two snapped together and the hat fell to the floor as Nami sprinted out of the ship, screaming, crying out for Luffy to stop, not to do it. Everyone else was woken up by the noise, Zoro complaining about the time until he realized what she was saying.

Nami burst out onto the deck of the ship and saw Luffy was no longer on the figurehead. She sprinted to the masthead, looking down and saw bubbles on one side.

"LUFFY! ! !" Nami shrieked leaping off the ship just as the others burst onto the deck.

"Nami!" Zoro shouted then cursed and sprinted to the railing looking down.

Nami could see Luffy, motionless, unable to do anything, a thin stream of bubbles slowly leaking from his mouth. She swam as hard as she could, struggling to reach him. He watched her approach, the water hiding his tears.

 _No...Why follow me? Just let me...just let me go Nami. I don't understand._

Nami reached Luffy and grabbed him, beginning to swim up but she was quickly running out of air. And they were deep. The pressure was clearly making it hard to hold her breath. At this rate, they would both drown because she was too stubborn.

Nami's arms and legs slowed until she wasn't kicking at all. Her ability to float naturally was offsetting Luffy's curse and keeping them suspended, not sinking but not rising either. Nami turned to Luffy and he could see in her eyes that she was crying, even if he couldn't see the tears.

 _"I'm sorry,"_ Nami mouthed. _"I should have never said those things. Please forgive me."_

Then, her eyes began to flutter. Luffy squeezed his eyes closed and began to sob under water. Then, he wrapped an arm around her. He put his other thumb in his mouth and blew. He dodn't have much air, but he had enough. He inflated, the air inside him making them both rise to the surface quickly. He prayed he wasn't too late.

The moment they broke the surface, he hurled Nami at Zoro who caught her just as Luffy had to exhale and instantly began to sink again. This time, Sanji dove in after him, easily reaching the sinking rubberman and swimming to the surface again. He climbed to the deck of the ship and dropped Luffy, causing him to caugh, clearing the water from his airways. He sat up, looking around and seeing Nami unconscious a few feet away. His body went numb as Chopper checked for a pulse and breathing.

"It's okay," Chopper sighed. "She's breathing. Looks like she was still awake enough to hold her breath."

Everyone sighed in relief except Luffy who had his head lowered, trembling.

"No, no more tears Luffy!" Zoro snapped. "It's your fault she almost died!"

"Zoro!" Robin gasped.

"It's true!" Zoro argued before turning back to Luffy. "What the he'll were you thinking!?"

"I just..." Luffy fell silent, eyes not leaving Nami. "I didn't want to put anyone else in danger again."

"You..." Zoro trailed off looking to the others and seeing Sanji shake his head.

Zoro sighed and dropped the subject, instead helping Chopper carry Nami into the infirmary. The others followed and Luffy sat beside Nami, eyes never leaving her face. Here eyes were so swollen from crying that it looked like she wouldn't be able to open them.

"What happened between you two?" Zoro asked after a bit.

Luffy's only response was a single tear rolling down his cheek. The rest he was able to fight back. Zoro looked to Sanji and he shrugged. The others all had similar reactions. Finally, after all of them sitting around struggling to stay awake, Robin sighed and stood.

"Well, she's safe now so we should probably all go to bed," Robin stated.

The others agreed and left one after uniter until only Robin and Luffy were alone with Nami. Robin sighed, looking back at Luffy.

"Luffy, whatever happened, just remember...no, nevermind," Robin sighed, deciding not to risk reopening wounds that were just starting to scab over. "Goodnight Luffy."

He didn't respond, probably didn't even hear her. Robin sighed and left. After a few moments, tears began to roll down Luffy's cheeks again.

"I'm sorry Nami," Luffy whispered, fighting the tears. "I'm so sorry. I never should have...done that. I never should have doubted you. I should have known there was a reason you said those things. I'm so sorry."

"I never should have said those things to begin with," Nami croaked opening her eyes, smiling reassuringly. "I never meant any of it. I could never do that to you. And you're not useless. You have the most important job of all." Tears began to roll down her cheeks again. "You're our captain, the man we all trust and follow. You keep us together and...you're the man I love."

Luffy stared at her for a moment before fresh tears began to flood out of his own eyes. He smiled and kissed her. She kissed him back instantly, wrapping her arms around his neck. After several minutes, she finally pulled back and Luffy smiled. Both were breathing harder and Nami had tears running down her face yet again.

"You're turning into a bit of a crybaby," Luffy grinned.

"Shut up," Nami smirked, kissing him again.

Luffy could only smile. He decided that he wasn't entirely unhappy that he had walked in on her conversation after all. It had actually turned out pretty well.

THE END

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